Gratitude For Drama

  • jmcginn 

I’m celebrating releasing a course!

Celebrations – after an “eventful” journey!

OK Jacqui, you’ve released a course?  That’s nice. So what?

Well, this course I’ve released is a bit ironic and has a bit of a story behind it.  It’s a story of how your mind can do things that it thinks are helping you and that those things can look horrendous to you!  But when you go deeper, it was a blessing – albeit in a very thick disguise.

You see, I’m getting ready to fly off to Japan soon and I wanted to get this course ready before I went.  I’m not (just) saying that to show off. (OK, I have to admit, I am going for some bragging points here because I really do love the fact that I’ve lived in Japan!)  But this story is about so much more than the life choices I happen to have made. There’s something bigger going on.

The last time I went abroad, I did the same thing – I released a course.  I set up a marketing system to promote it…

And it went HORRIBLY wrong!  

I had spent hours, weeks, days getting all the bits and pieces into place:

  • writing blog posts
  • creating my lead magnet to capture the interest of potential ideal clients
  • creating, writing and recording a short course with videos and handouts that would help people and build trust

I got it all done and jetted off to the other side of the world.  On my way, I had visions of myself spending my days chilling in the sun and writing my book sipping iced coffee or fresh juice. Ahh… bliss…  

The universe and my subconscious mind had other plans.  They spotted that I didn’t have enough experience to release the course.  They were afraid of trauma from the past about being online.  And so it turned into one big f*ck up.

You know those moments when you just can’t believe your eyes that what is happening is happening – well, it was one of those moments.

Descending Into Chaos

The trip started going wrong on the second leg of our flight. My visa was wrong and had my mum’s date of birth on it instead of mine. Oh.

Then after the massive flight of 24 hours, stopping off in Kuala Lumpur, driving a hire car through the streets of a foreign city with a crap sat nav that kept telling me too late when to turn (thus adding another hour onto our journey… while exhausted and jetlagged…), finally we arrived at our destination.

Ah, time to relax and enjoy.

I thought I’d just give my email a check before going to bed and that’s when I discovered it had all gone very wrong.  

This Isn’t Happening?!

Every 20 minutes I was getting an email informing me of a fake Russian email address sign up to my mailing list.  On my website, there was a nasty, threatening message hidden in the code of the sign up box saying that I couldn’t remove their code or “no good would come” (or words to that effect).

On top of that, I got an alert from my email provider that my subscriber list had been flagged for abuse and I had to take action ASAP.  Too many people were subscribing and then immediately unsubscribing so it looked like Spam. (It was because there was a massive difference in tone between my blog posts and the welcome messages when someone subscribed to my list – I can’t really blame the people who unsubscribed!)

Now, I’m sure there are lots of people that could probably laugh both of those off.  And now it wouldn’t bother me anywhere near as much. But at that point in time, oh my god was I stressed!!  Add jet lag and exhaustion and still feeling annoyed my Visa was wrong on top of that and you can probably imagine that I wasn’t a shining angel of love and joy!

Instead of going to bed like I wanted and needed to, I dismantled everything I’d worked so hard to put together.  I took the email sign up form off my website and blog completely.  (Nothing bad happened like the malicious message implied!) Being so far away from home and my computer, I couldn’t put it back together again. In fact, I was far too stressed out by it to ever want to put it back together again.

When You Hit The Bottom, There’s Only 1 Way

Of course, at the time, nobody around me could really understand the magnitude of having to dismantle weeks of work that could have provided a source of income when I so desperately needed more money coming in.  

The severe stress of that night, set a tone of stress and drama for the duration of the trip.  And put me off marketing and sharing my work almost completely. I had my worst year in business with the worst debt and lowest income.

But I also had the most transformational year.  Intense business training and learning hypnotherapy meant that I went deep into places I’d been too scared to go before.  In fact, my hypnotherapy teacher’s reframe of the whole online course drama was that if I had the ability to manifest that level of upset, sorting out what was going on in my mind would mean I could channel those manifesting abilities into a way that worked for me.

She wouldn’t let me be a victim to the situation.  I had to take back my power and realise that I’d created it all.  Of course I couldn’t control how other people interacted with me, but I had full control over how I chose to respond.  

It was there that I dove more deeply into studying the Drama Triangle and then found it’s more healthy equivalent in the Empowerment Dynamic.

Deeper Into The Course Creation

The root of my drama was traumatic events that had happened in the past online and left me feeling broken and confused.  I had such low self-esteem that I didn’t withdraw from a situation that was really bad for my mental health. It involved malicious, controlling messages appearing online, so you can imagine that that nasty message was nudging against a sore wound from the past.  But the whole drama that unfolded was an opportunity for those lingering wounds to come up for air to be seen and healed for good.

So sharing this new course is so much more than a simple business activity.  It’s an affirmation that I’ve healed and learned. I have to admit that while typing this post, I’ve had to pause and do some tapping to let go of the last little bits of stuck energy around that experience.  And that tapping has helped to open to more gratitude that it all happened.

Yes, at the time, I wanted to have a chilled, peaceful time where I’d get my book written in the sun, but in the long run, I got so much more than that.  I got an opportunity to cultivate much deeper peace by healing old wounds.

And that’s why I can create a course to teach you about drama and about peace.  I’ve lived it and worked through it and I’m sharing what I’ve learned.

How The Ideas In The Course Helped

Although the deeper healing was to come much later, the mindset I had massively helped me to stay as calm and as peaceful as possible. Without it I would have been a total wreck and unable to keep any semblance of optimism about it.

You can check out the course here, and it’s just £33 at the moment.

Phew… it’s here! Just click on the photo to go straight to it.