Have you set any New Year’s Resolutions? New Year can be time for a fresh start and a time to set resolutions. I don’t know about you, but I always found New Year’s resolutions an uphill struggle. I use the past tense because I don’t set them anymore and actually every day for the past 13 years I’ve sought to improve myself. My latest goal is to let go of trying to improve myself and relax into being more and more authentic every day. In other words, letting go of my ego’s grip on my life and letting the greater me, my soul or essence take over and open up to life.
All that self-improvement had been coming from the part of me that believed I needed fixing because I wasn’t enough. That’s the tricky thing about the ego or self image. We believe there’s something wrong and we need to change it. Healing is actually the process of welcoming home our whole self. All those bits we deem inferior, all those bits we’ve tried to hide from others, well they’re all important and all loveable because they’re who we really are.
It’s a paradox in that on the one hand (from the soul’s perspective) it’s a simple shift of awareness but on the other hand (from the ego’s perspective) it’s a huge shift in perspective and threatens the very existence of our egos. Our egos have had such a strong grip over our lives for so long, they’re a hard habit to break. As a baby, we didn’t have an ego that limited us. We were limitless and could learn anything. We had infinite potential, we lived moment by moment mindfully and just knew that life would look after us. Then our left brains started developing and we started learning limits and divisions and created beliefs about how the world was and how bad we were. For most of us, our flaws were pointed out far more regularly than our strengths ever were and we started believing we weren’t good enough. If only we were different, we’d be good enough. If only we were different, we’d be loveable.
So often New Year’s resolutions come from these stuck ideas held deep in our memories from childhood. We’re setting New Year’s resolutions as a self-improvement project and as a way to bring more love and admiration from others. The only person who can give us all the love and admiration that will sustain us for a lifetime is ourselves.
Contrast Self-improvement resolutions with Soul Value Goals where you strive to live each day in alignment with the values of your soul. It’s a return to your true essence and standing in your unique truth each day. On appearance, it might seem like a self-improvement project but the difference is that from a place of self-love, you gradually remember that you are always supported by a friendly universe and that you’re always connected to a divine intelligence that is a pure energy permeating all that is. From this place you know that your thoughts are powerful shapers of your reality because everything we see around us started as a thought in someone’s mind. The more you cultivate self-love, the more you can sustain this way of being. Your strongest values are the very essence of who you are and you do your best to live them each day.
This is all quite complex and confusing to the left hemisphere and to the ego, but our souls feel its truth and know it to be true. Even a baby knows it to be true.
If you’re not yet sure of your own soul values, here are some questions to help you uncover them:
1. Think of someone you greatly admired and respect. What are their values?
2. Who are you when you’re at your best?
3. What would you really love people to describe you as?
To help you, here are some examples of values: love, connection, honesty, integrity, confidence, authenticity, truth, peace, being spiritual, being heart-centred, harmony, creativity, playfulness
I’ll be talking at Horndean Positive Living group on February 11th about connecting with your Inner Child and this is a valuable way to loosen the ego’s grip and live more from your authentic, loving essence 🙂 Do come and join us if you can!