What if all of the darker emotions had vital messages for us?

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What if envy had a vital message?  

 What if all of the darker emotions like rage, shame, anger even hatred had vital messages for us?  

What if being true to yourself means honouring all of the emotions?

Emotions are metaphorically the element of water within us.  The idea of the 4 Elements appears in many traditions and cultures around the world.  The Kabbalah, Astrology, The Tarot, Native American wisdom – all of these use the idea that we’re made up of the 4 basic elements of earth, water, air and fire.  These 4 elements correspond to different part of our earthly human selves:

Earth – the physical body

Water – the emotions

Air – thoughts and beliefs, the intellect

Fire – our creativity, imagination, intuition and psychic ability 

Having total wellbeing means that all 4 elements are working in harmony with each other and are balanced.  The problem we have in western societies is that the air element tends to overpower all the others.  In many education systems, intellectual achievement is valued over everything else.  But wiser schools and colleges know that creativity (fire), movement in the physical body (earth) and emotional intelligence (water) are just as vital to our overall intelligence as pure academic work is.

And the problem in a lot of spiritual circles is that there’s a jump from air to fire without the grounding and wisdom of water and earth.  It’s what leads to spiritual by-passing and stopping legitimate expression of emotion that leads to being wholly human and to fully healing deep wounds.

The Deeper Wisdom Of Darker Emotion

The darker emotions (water) like envy, anger, fear and shame are only darker because we rarely bring them into the light of awareness.  But when we take the time to listen to their messages, they can give us invaluable insights to navigate whatever we’re facing and find the truth of it.  The deeper truth is always healing.

Whenever I feel one of the darker emotions come up, my first place to look it up is Karla McLaren’s excellent book “The Language of Emotions”.   And her incredible research and experience will always guide me home.  

Emotions are responses to our environment – both the external environment (around our physical bodies) and in response to our internal beliefs and thoughts.  When we get the thinking parts of our minds to connect up with and work with the emotional parts of our minds, we get more control over our state and can move through problems and issues with more ease.  Life is richer and fuller.  The elements of air and water work together in harmony.

But when the thinking part of the mind is cut off from the emotions, we can buy into collective thinking and ideas that stunt our own development and keep us small or even deluded about the effects of what we’re doing.  

For example, the collective idea that emotions are primitive and dumb and should never be on show became a collective belief about emotions.   Living from this intellect-centred view shuts off a vital part of ourselves that brings integrity to our whole systems.  We have the evidence of what a lack of emotion does to us – humans can commit unspeakable acts of violence and cruelty when there is no regulation from emotions, such as in the case of some psychopaths, sociopaths and extreme narcissists.  

On a smaller level, in dealing with our own unconscious racism and prejudices, feeling shame is a gateway to having the kind of empathy that lets us really hear the stories of people experiencing our unconscious racism.  Then we can really make the kinds of changes that usher in a fairer world. 

An Example of Going Deeper into Envy

When I’ve noticed my own envy coming up about other people’s business successes, following the feelings of envy lead to far greater insight and far deeper healing.  Karla (the author of The Language of Emotions) differentiates between jealousy and envy.  She says that jealousy is about unfaithfulness or deceit in close relationships whereas envy is about “unfair distribution of resources or recognition”.  In my struggling days in my business, boy, oh boy did that resonate for me!  “Why do all these other business owners get to have thriving businesses (i.e. good income) and recognition when I’m struggling?”  The clue to answering this question my mind invented is in Karla’s empathic practice for dealing with envy:

Discern whether you’re responding to disloyalty and unfairness in others or to your own lack of self-regard and worthiness.  In either case, restore your boundaries first; then listen to your intuition and honor the anger and fear inside…envy.

The Language of Emotions, p.263

What an insight!  My envy was really about my own lack of self- regard and worthiness and it’s OK to feel that and to acknowledge it.  The inner work was to dive into it and see what guidance my intuition had for me.  Karla has another gem of an explanation of diving into envy:

When your envy is welcomed and channelled honorably, it will help you uncover unhealed issues and traumas that continue to haunt your present-day behavior.  p.276

When I did deep dive into it, sure enough, there was an unhealed trauma and belief about being abandoned.  Eventually when I dug even deeper after experiencing lots of the “darker” emotions like rage, shame, envy and even terror, I uncovered my deepest wound that was holding everything back so it could finally be returned to love.  The darker emotions were allies to help me safely go into the depths of the wound AND to be careful about who I kept close during that vulnerable healing journey.  

Don’t Pathologise Emotion – Instead Trust The Deeper Message

By taking the time to stop, listen in and honour the insights that come from the water and earth elements (the emotions and the body), it brings us into the present moment, it brings deep acceptance of life and it helps to honour all the variety and diversity of life experiences that we all have.  It helps create good boundaries between us so we can fully honour each others’ uniqueness.

And honouring that uniqueness brings richness and depth to life’s experiences.

So next time you feel one of those darker emotions, don’t pathologise it or think there’s something wrong with you.  Trust that the healthy water element in you has something important for you to notice.  Don’t rush it, give the water element space to flow and bring through it deep messages.  

If you need help, it’s wise to choose a practitioner that you feel safe with and that can demonstrate that they’ve done this deeper work themselves.  Trust that your subconscious mind will keep you safe and your intuition will help guide you to the right person for you.  And definitely get your hands on Karla’s incredible book or her insight-packed free articles on her blog. 

What Can Hypnotherapy Do For You?

My new certificate in hypnotherapy received on 20th January under the full moon <3

I’ve just qualified after 5 months of training in hypnotherapy formally. I was actually starting to work in hypnosis with my clients and found it was getting the best results to get clients to use their imagination to solve problems with my guidance. Now I’ve sharpened up my skills and have a bigger toolkit.

So how can it help you?

Well, hypnosis and hypnotherapy are fascinating processes that can work really well alongside spiritual healing. You might think of hypnotherapy as helping with problems like weight management, stopping smoking and anxiety or depression. But there’s more that hypnotherapy can do. If you know about The Law of Attraction teachings and manifesting, hypnotherapy can help uncover and change deep blocks to manifesting the life of your dreams too.

Blocks to Manifesting Dreams

To give you an example, during the training, I underwent really deep processes myself to help feel what they’re like for a client. Over the last few years, it’s felt like my life has been really held back and dragged back. No matter how many affirmations or healing sessions or inner work I did, or however many courses or coaches I invested in, that “held back feeling” just wasn’t shifting.

I knew I wasn’t expressing the whole of who I am. I knew I should really be more successful than I was and I tried everything to make it happen. Even my teacher was puzzled as to why I wasn’t more successful because I am bloody good at what I do. But those blocks were DEEP and they weren’t going to go without the depth of hypnotherapy. Energy healing went a long way to opening the door to finding my blocks to creating what I wanted, and then it was hypnotherapy that got to the root cause of the blocks to actually break them down. And I think the same will be true for many other natural healers. We’ve been healers since we were born and as healers, the first people we worked with were our families. Our healing skills got hidden in family dynamics as we tried to help our family members feel better.

My blocks were partially from trying to make my family feel better and partially from the helplessness of being an emotional child who didn’t feel understood. As a child, I had a “good girl” exterior but underneath it was a defiant streak! That defiant streak along with being a misery hoover for other people lead to that “stuck” and “held back” feeling that I was experiencing. My book writing is flying now after years of trying to get it down and I can see how my thoughts, actions and expectations had been holding me back in my business, in my life, in my book writing and in my relationships. I’m more assertive and comfortable asking for what I need and want without getting whingy or bitchy like I could do before (like a defiant child not trusting that she will get what she wants and needs, AND resenting that she’s carrying everyone else’s emotional baggage!)

Others who’ve been around me for a few years are noticing the shift in revealing my true self more and more as a result of the hypnotherapy work. I can see how I was trying to present a certain image of myself online that was more what I hoped other people would like and appreciate. But now I’m much more confident being really honest and showing up fully.

Life Improvements

And it’s not just me who’s benefitted. People with long-standing problems are finding relief and feeling so much better from the hypnotic tools I’ve been using. From people feeling miserable and down for years, to people who’ve had physical pain and discomfort eased in just one session.

So hypnotherapy can help with such a vast range of problems, it’s amazing. It usually goes back to thought patterns and behaviours that were created in early childhood – even physical problems can come from that too. Once you know how to unlock the subconscious mind and work with it, you see how it’s always been trying to help you. And it just needs a bit of help to change what it’s doing. And that change can happen fast.

If you’d like to chat with me about how I can help you or if my story resonates with you, do get in touch with me. You can contact me on jacqui@jacquimcginn.com or book yourself a free discovery session here: https://jacquimcginn.as.me/peacediscovery

The 5 Keys To Creating A #Vision That Works for You

A crucial part of The Law of Attraction is having a vision.  But both vision and the Law of Attraction are funny things!  I remember watching “The Secret” back in 2008 and I KNEW there was truth in it.  But I just couldn’t get it to work.  

Eventually I realised that the crucial part of The Secret was mentioned only once in the entire film/book.  Michael Beckwith said that your thoughts create your life, whether those thoughts are conscious or unconscious and that that’s the rub. 

So when it comes to creating a vision of what you want in your life, you have to get your unconscious thoughts on board too. And that’s what these 5 keys are getting at.  They’re aimed at a vision for a relationship but the basic idea applies to everything you want to create in your life.  

The 5 Keys

  1. Get clear on what you want by collecting examples of what makes you feel loved.  Go through past relationships but also extend that out to friendships, family and even encounters with people you meet briefly.
  2. Get clear on what you absolutely don’t want in your relationship.  Go ahead and write out every complaint that you have about every past relationship.  Every single behaviour that you never want to experience in your relationships ever again! 
  3. Here’s the important bit – change every single one into the behaviour or treatment that you DO want. Without this, your subconscious mind just has a picture of what you don’t want and has no idea what it is that you do want.  Your subconscious is like a computer that will output what you tell it to output without making assumptions that it’s bad or that it’s what you don’t want
  4. Put your two positive lists together so that you have a thorough vision of what you want.  This is powerful for your subconscious mind because it speaks 2 languages it understands – emotion and imagination.  So your subconscious mind knows what you want and can work with your conscious mind to make it happen. 
  5. Think about what you need to do allow this vision into your life and take inspired action.  this vision is a mirror of what you want in love.  If you want someone to accept you, you need to accept you first.  If you want someone to love your flaws, you need to love your flaws first and so on. 

Sharing is Essential #mentalwellbeing

This evening I watched “Life After Suicide” on BBC1.  It was a fascinating and deeply sad documentary on suicide, its effects and its causes.

A lot of my work involves uncovering unhelpful thinking patterns and changing them.  I haven’t seen suicidal clients but this programme said it was a combination of deep despair and a feeling of no way out that would make someone likely to commit suicide.

While I don’t have direct experience of suicide, I have experienced mental health problems and understand the lack of control over your own mind.  In my case, after a period of a lack of sleep I became highly paranoid and believed I’d sold my soul to the devil.  I had shared my heart with someone I loved who was unavailable and distant.  The distance meant that my mind projected all kinds of things onto him and in my unbalanced state, archetypes from the unconscious dominated my thinking.  I saw way too much synchronicity and read far too deeply into the events happening around me.  Eventually, I got to a point of thinking that I had become a channel for evil and that my friends and family would all gradually be killed off.  At the time, my dad actually was suffering from cancer and one of my friends was feeling down and saying he would be better off dead.  I thought I’d caused it all.

I remember vividly standing in the shower in my flat and thinking “I have to kill myself to end this and protect my family.”  But fortunately another part of me recognise that this wasn’t really me.  When I got to work that day, I talked to a colleague who was a good friend and while I didn’t share the depths of what I was thinking, I shared enough for her to help me see my perspective might be wrong.

But the most healing aspect of all for me was talking to my best friend.  She doesn’t realise what a great friend and what a great natural healer she is, but she saved me.  In fact, she was with me at my worst and gently tried to pull me out of my own abyss.  I hadn’t shared the depths of my despair while it was happening, but later I did.  She didn’t once judge me or give me advice.  She just let me speak.  What I always found from being listened to like that, was that as I spoke and explained what was going on, I would be giving myself advice.

How many of us have really experienced that level of deep listening?  How many of us try to jump in with suggestions and advice?  If more of us could learn to hold space for a fellow human in their times of pain without jumping in to “fix” or “advise”, we’d live in a different world.  People in pain would have the sacred space necessary to process their own pain and draw out their natural healing abilities to heal it.  Perhaps we’d have fewer mental health problems.

Personally, after watching the BBC programme,  I’m now even more grateful for the friends I could share with.   They empowered me to draw out my own healing wisdom and set me on a path of empowerment and that’s why I do what I do today.  I got through to the other side.

Fact or Influence? The Importance of

This morning I heard that today is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year.  It’s 2 weeks into the new year and around this time people get their credit card statements from Christmas and that’s what contributes to the general low feeling, apparently.  Then I heard it again on the radio this evening.

My own feelings have taken a tumble this evening and I’ve just knocked over a cup of peppermint tea.  It’s got me wondering – has the idea of it being the worst day of the year influenced my mood?  Has my unconscious mind gone “oh, right – most depressing day of the year – let’s make that happen”?  Or is it a fact?  Is it something that is true and my mind is just processing fact?

I don’t know.  But the idea of our unconscious minds being influenced is an interesting one to ponder and I think it’s a very important one.

I find the unconscious mind fascinating but I also find the influence others can have on our minds equally fascinating – and a little scary.  I’ve come across a few examples where minds have been influenced for negative reasons.  First, I’ve been reading Paul McKenna’s “I Can Make You Rich” and it’s been showing me just how much advertisers manipulate our unconscious minds to get us to buy things.  Second, after work today I saw today’s Sun newspaper front page trying to make Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn look farcical in his attempts to reduce nuclear weapons and wondered how many people’s opinions of him have been manipulated by such strong opinion pieces.  Then finally tonight I was watching the “Making of a Murderer” series on Netflix and I watched the police unfairly influence a young, impressionable person’s mind and have him do what they wanted (I won’t give the details in case you want to watch the series).

How much control do we have of our own unconscious minds?  Because it’s unconscious, we can never really know.  But doing our best to notice when others are trying to influence our thoughts, feelings and actions is crucial to our personal fulfilment, happiness and spiritual growth.

How can we make sure we get as much control of our own unconscious minds as possible?  Well, I think that (perhaps counter-intuitively) it’s about reconnecting with our Inner Child.  I believe our Inner Child is the gateway to our authentic selves – our souls.  This is because it was largely in childhood that our minds were shaped by outside influences and cut us off from our authentic selves.  Spiritual teachings call this the creation of the ego.  But underneath all of that ego conditioning, our authentic selves (our souls) are still there waiting for us.  Our task is to connect with that greater part of ourselves as much as possible and release anything that blocks our connection to it.  As long as we stand firm in our truest selves, we are less likely to let others negatively influence our thoughts, feelings and actions.  Connecting with our Inner Child can be the bridge between the ego and the soul and can help us invite more of our soul into our everyday lives.

Imagine the future world we’d create together if more and more of us stood firm in our truest selves.  Free from influence by outside factors.  Free to make love the bottom line in all our decisions.

Magical Deadlines and Manifesting

It’s funny how until I understood that my goals need to be in alignment with my values, I would always rebel against my own goals. If they didn’t have meaning, I wasn’t interested. When I worked as a sixth form college teacher, I had to create SMART goals with my students – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-Bound goals. I always got the reason why they were supposed to be created in this way, but never quite mastered the art of making goals that really worked and always got stuck on the “time-bound” part.  For my own business goals too, the time-bound part always seemed arbitrary and I rarely achieved them by the time I set – until now! And the secret was that I let go and listened to my intuition.

Last summer, I bought a daily deal site voucher for a one-day video for business course at Pinewood Studios. I just thought it would be fun and didn’t think much of it. Then when I got more information through, I realised I had to write 2 scripts to promote my business. To be honest, I’ve really struggled to explain what I do and you might have noticed my homepage has changed wording frequently as I struggled to find the core of what I’m about and how I help people. So I knew that I needed to put off doing the video course until I had a clearer explanation of what I do. Around December I had the feeling that I was on the verge of discovering what it was that draws everything together. I booked the course for January with a knowing that I would have a much clearer idea by then.

Sure enough at the beginning of January, thanks to synchronistic events (the right books, the right experiences) I found the crux of what I do and what I want to do – teach more people about the unconscious mind. I truly believe that if more people understood how to harness the unconscious mind instead of being its slave, we would live in a different world. We’d draw out solutions to every problem we’re facing – rampant consumerism, inequality, poor distribution of wealth, environmental problems, disease prevention and treatment, and so on. Plus we’d see increased levels of peace, happiness and acceptance as people retrained their minds for greater and greater self esteem and love.

So that magical deadline of January 13th helped get my unconscious mind focused on how to get me ready for my video course and brought the right books and experiences into my life to give me the clarity I needed. I’ve just written and sent off my scripts to be loaded up on the autocue and then on Wednesday, it’s playtime! I’m super excited like a kid waiting to go to Disneyland for the first time!

I don’t think I ever will try to force SMART goals on myself ever again. This whole experience reaffirmed that there is a great wisdom in life and it will speak to us through our intuition and synchronicities – aspects of the unconscious mind. We just have to be ready to receive the guidance consciously as it comes.