People Pleaser? Try this Inner Child Meditation

I got a dash of inspiration for this meditation after a good old Tapping session.  (Tapping is a fusion of eastern medicine and western psychology to clear emotional blocks).  I was tapping on “I hate marketing”… except that the words were ruder than that!!

Just below the meditation, there’s a bit more about the background to it if you’re curious (or just plain nosy like me!)

It’s called a Pieces to Peace meditation and The Pieces to Peace philosophy is a way of thinking for empaths and sensitives.  It’s to help us navigate the difficulties of living in a world that desperately needs healing when you’re super sensitive and can feel the pain.  As children, we learned to mold and shape ourselves to be liked more and accepted more.  The first people we wanted to be liked by were our parents or caregivers.  So we created a version of ourselves that we thought would get us more love and attention.

Communication in Childhood

The trouble with that “mask” version of ourselves is that a) it’s not who we really are, so we’re not really being loved, and b) we were never really sure what exact pieces of ourselves to put in it.  Adults have moods that change so on one day one part of us seemed OK and on another day it wasn’t.  Plus a lot of adults don’t actually communicate all that clearly with children, unless they’ve had to communicate with children on the autistic spectrum.   Then your communication has to be super clear because they generally take what you say literally!  That’s one of the beautiful gifts of autism – people on the spectrum force us to think more carefully and precisely about our communication.  For example – it’s not a great idea to tell a child with autism to “go to the toilet and wash your hands”.  I’ll leave you to imagine why…

The feedback from children with autism about our language is a wake-up call.  Without the straight feedback from them, it’s difficult to see just how confusing our language and instructions are for children.  We expect them to fill in a lot of gaps with background knowledge.  Like the toilet example above – to understand the instruction actually intended, you have to make leaps in logic because it’s not clear in the language alone what the adult wants the child to do.

Ego Love vs Soul Love

Translate that confusion into what parts of you please your parents and it’s easy to see why we can never really be sure what the “loveable” version of us is.  While children with autism give direct feedback, other children usually don’t.  You and I were in a state of trying to please the adults around us in childhood but we were never really sure what it was they wanted from us.

Add to that our empathic abilities and sensitivities which meant that we had a lot more information to deal with, and you’ve got a recipe for utter confusion and chaotic energy.   There’s also this vague sense that something’s not quite right with us.  We don’t belong and we’re not quite loveable but we can’t put our finger on why that is.

That’s ego love.  Molding and shaping yourself for someone else to love you and give you attention is people pleasing and it’s one of the ego’s tricks.  It’s incredibly unhealthy.  It can lead to poor boundaries, burnout, poor self esteem and low self worth.

On the other hand, soul love is pure love.  It’s the kind of love where we can relax into who we really are in any moment.

There’s no fear of what others will think.

There’s no anxiety.

There’s the ability to say “no” to things that aren’t in our best interest.

Above all, there’s so much more love flowing.  As you’ll experience in the meditation.

Outline Of The Meditation

After relaxing your body and mind, I take you to a beautiful place in nature and remind you that you’re in control of what you imagine and can make any changes you wish to make it even more beautiful and even more safe.  Then you’ll bring in your inner child to help.  You’ll see your earthly self as lots of little pieces.  We’ll explore what happens to those pieces in ego love and then explore what happens in soul love, so you can REALLY feel and experience the difference.

A Final Note…

Oh and you can probably see why a meditation like this would come to be after tapping on “I hate marketing”.  Marketing in its fear-based ego form can be like creating a mask of yourself to get potential clients to like you.

In it’s love-based soul form, marketing is about showing the world who you really are and how you can help solve problems.  Then letting that be the basis for building trusting relationships with people you can help.   <3

I’d love to know how you get on with the meditation.  The best way to catch me is through my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/intuitivejacqui/

With love

Jacqui xxx

 

The Shadow’s Gifts

The Shadow
Photo by Jaanus Jagomägi on Unsplash

My shadow came out.

It wasn’t pretty.

The shadow is the all the parts of ourselves that we’ve decided are unacceptable and try to stuff down out of our awareness.  But the shadow is a tricky bugger and sooner or later it will blast out from our constraints.  The late Debbie Ford called this the “beach ball effect”.  Each piece of ourselves that we try to suppress is like a beachball held under water – it takes huge amounts of energy to keep it there.  And one day when we’re tired or exhausted or stressed out and we can’t hold all of the beachballs down, they will shoot up and smack us in the face.

I’ve written this post about my experience and in the first person, but my intention is to help you connect with your own shadow self too and because that can be a daunting, overwhelming and scary idea, I’ve used “I” and “me” instead of “you”.  I do hope that this inspires you to know the gifts in your own shadow and to take a little time to explore what your shadow might be trying to tell you when one of those beach balls pops up and smacks you in the face.

The other night my beachballs smacked me in the face.  A good hint to the shadow is something that we’re really proud of in ourselves.  I’m really proud of the patience I’ve developed.  I’m really proud of the compassion I’ve developed.  I’m really proud of my ability to hold sacred space for emotional truth.   All of these really help me create the kind of space that allows for deep healing and coaching to happen.

But it’s a truth that just like yin contains yang and yang contains yin, for each element of myself that I’m proud of, I also carry the opposite in my shadow.  So my lack of patience and lack of compassion and lack of sacred space and lack of emotional truth shot out from my psyche and had me become a shouty, mean bitch.   The polar opposite of what I am in my sessions with clients.  Oops!!

And actually, that’s a good thing.  Shouty mean bitch Jacqui was probably suffocating under water and needed some air.  She’s also helping me to realise some deep and uncomfortable truths about myself and how I’ve been sabotaging my success.  And besides, she’s there all the time in the sacred space I create anyway, so inviting her wisdom in means she can add depth and help support the sacred space I like to create.

A Matter of Time

The shouty mean bitchiness came from being totally fed up of having my time wasted and messed about by someone else.   Now I know the signs that I’m in my shadow – I can’t feel my body, I’m in my head, I’m blaming someone else…  if I start trying to sort out and talk through any problems from that space, I’m not going to get very far.  Do you fancy trying to sort out a problem with someone who is blaming you alone for it?  Nah, didn’t think so!  While I’m in that blaming space, I’m being a victim, so I will cast others in roles that keep me as the powerless victim.

I knew that my own sense of  “urgh” and disconnection between my head and body meant that I had some investigative work to do to get out of victim mode.  The other day I was chatting to a colleague about the time problem that had triggered my mean, shouty bitch self.  As me and my colleague talked, we both started realising that our relationship to time was off.  We have an abundance of time and there are so many things that we could do each day to help our businesses, but we end up wasting loads of time on social media and let other people take our time from us.  We both admitted that we’re allowing people to take time from us.

So, we both vowed to explore what was going on with this time stuff and share with each other what we learned.  I found this interesting article on time on the Psychology Today website.  I felt pangs of discomfort and as I read and realised that basically, my wasting time is a disempowering choice I’m making.  It’s an unconscious sabotage to keep things as they are and not step into my light and my true power.  It’s fear and survival based living rather than love and abundance based living.

I need to take back my power, clear up any beliefs or emotions keeping me stuck in powerless victim mode and own my moment-to-moment choices about what I do.  I can dream big and create big visions about the future, but I have to commit moment by moment, piece by piece to making those dreams and visions a reality.

Valuable Pieces of Peace

It’s all valuable material for the book I’m writing and philosophy I’m (kind of) creating and living.   When I say “kind of creating”, it’s because I’m not really creating it, it’s an idea from somewhere in the ether working its way into my consciousness.  If you’ve ever read “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert, it’s like the way she describes the mysterious way ideas choose a human to come through.

The idea that chose me is called “Pieces to Peace” and the intention behind it is to help people recognise the value of each piece of themselves and the vital roles each person plays towards creating peace in our communities and globally.  Each of us is a vital piece of a greater whole.  Embracing the shadow is an important part of the philosophy because we often see our own shadows in other people and then think the person we’re projecting our shadow onto is the scum of the earth who should be destroyed – you can see how that kinda messes up peace, can’t you?  Not only that but when we stop projecting the shadow onto others and look inside ourselves to find its message, we can find it leads us to valuable gifts, blessings and realisations.

Mean, shouty bitchface Jacqui was simply trying to get my attention about how I’m spending my moments of time.  She yelled at my partner but it was really me that she was yelling at.  Like trying to shake me awake to see what I’m doing with the precious pieces of my life – the moments of each day.  I’ve been throwing away so many precious moments where I could let myself feel more alive and feel more connected to source energy and be more present.

If that piece of my shadow hadn’t popped up and smacked me in the face, I’d continue to throw away valuable pieces of my life each day.  It’s me and me alone who choose the quality of the moment.  The truth is that I’m 100% responsible for how I choose to be in each piece or moment of my life.

And so are you.  So how are you spending the precious moments of your life?  Are you fully present or do you let others take your time?  <3

Exploring Pieces to Peace More

In my explorations of this Pieces to Peace idea, a beautiful meditation process came to me.  It helps you to accept all the pieces of yourself by seeing them as a beautiful mosaic and holding that mosaic in your heart space.  The meditation then invites you to heal a difficult relationship you’ve experienced by seeing the other person in the same way.  The meditation is a free gift to subscribers of my mailing list and you can access it on this page: Get Your Free Relationship Healing Meditation.