How Memories of A Bad Relationship Blocked My Business

  • jmcginn 
Writer's Block

Today let’s have a chat about past problems and how they manifest in your life today as blocks to your business, money and relationships. Then let’s have a look at what you can do to clear those blocks.

It’s my belief that the entrepreneurial journey is one of THE best self development programmes you can undertake. Especially if you’re basing your business on your own past failures and hurts. Blocks and problems show up not to punish us or throw us off, but to get us to face ourselves in our entirety. Warts and all, angels and demons, darkness and light. Authenticity and integrity come from facing the WHOLE truth of who we are! (Yeah, sorry, that’s quite heavy, isn’t it? 🙂 True though!)

A Big Block Example

Content marketing – it’s something you’re supposed to do regularly. Blog posts and email newsletters let you show your expertise and how you can help your ideal clients. Intellectually, I get it. In reality, it’s something I’m really good at procrastinating on. REALLY good. But I’ve been doing a BIG business coaching programme that’s made marketing all so much easier and I have now run out of excuses for NOT all the writing blogs and email newsletters!  And when you get to that stage, it’s time for the fear blocks to make themselves know.

And here’s where the procrastination comes from. Today I had a total hissy fit about something really important that I’m writing. It’s a piece that should really help my dream clients to feel better about their expereinces with narcissistic people. It’s on it’s 20th-ish draft and I can…never…seem…to…finish…it! My frustration levels hit the roof today and I ranted in our coaching facebook group about “HATING WRITING CONTENT” Grrrrr!!!!

The Source of the Block

This was more than perfectionism or people pleasing. There was a specific  memory behind this block that was based in past trauma and self-hatred at what a pathetic, obsessive and mean person I thought I was being. The crucial thing for my writing block was that it happened over email.   I was trying to get back at someone who I believed lead me on and manipulated me online.  (I’m not actually sure who did the manipulating but I now feel it was this guy’s girlfriend who I hadn’t know about).  At the time, I had no understanding of trauma or manipulation and how it could cause mental health problems.  I just thought I was a weak, pathetic bitch. All I knew was that I was obsessed and addicted to sending this guy emails.  And I hated that I couldn’t stop writing to him – despite being ignored every time.

Then suddenly one day I looked at a message I’d sent him and a light went on.  I realised that it was never him I was trying to communicate with. It was a part of me trying to get my own attention and bring through my own inner knowing. At the point I realised that, I decided that my writing needed to stop going to him and that I needed it for my own self-reflection instead.

The trouble was, I hadn’t loved or accepted the part of me that sent all those horrible, obsessive, needy emails. So the decision to stop sending him emails was a powerful decision to stop a part of myself that I detested. 

A Cry For Love and Acceptance

That broken piece of me that wrote the worst of the emails desperately needed love, acceptance and compassion.  What was actually going on was that…
She’d just lost her father to cancer.
Her heart had been broken by someone she was sure was a soulmate.
She was manipulated to the point of being totally emotionless about the idea of dying herself.
She’d had a mental breakdown.
She was struggling to understand all the synchronicity that was happening and why it was leading to such misery instead of joy.

Sure, my behaviour was far from good, but without experiencing the brokenness that lead to it, I could never hope to understand why people do harmful things.  And if i didn’t understand what drives behaviour, I could never hold the compassionate, non-judgmental space I can hold for my clients and friends.

The problem in my marketing today was that my energy was warped by that experience and was affecting my current reality.  My inability to write the content I needed to write for my business was coming from this old decision that writing to someone else was “bad” and all the personal stuff should be kept to my own journal.  Even now, the best stuff ends up in my journal and I have reams of paper with ideas that I’ve never managed to get online.  So this was a BIG block that was seriously affecting my business.  

Steps to Healing

Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are the main spiritual tools we need to heal situations like this from the past. The compassion comes from the understanding that extreme pain and confusion were the source of my being a total bitch. Any human under that kind of extreme emotional, mental and spiritual confusion is capable of doing crappy things. It doesn’t make the behaviour OK, but we can have compassion for the suffering that’s caused it.

EFT is one possibility for dealing with the deeper feelings, but my favourite healing tool for forgiveness is Robert Holden’s Forgiveness Scale in his book with Louise Hay: “Life Loves You”. It goes like this: you start with a number out of 10 for how much you’ve forgiven yourself (or a person you need to forgive). 0 is not at all and 10 is fully. You stay in that space of compassion and keep asking yourself what you need to get to the next number up. Sometimes it’s healing energy, sometimes it’s learning a lesson and sometimes profound realisations bubble up. Your inner wisdom knows what you need to connect with that healing space of forgiveness that liberates you from the past.

I did it and it was a profound journey that brought up all kinds of insights, realisations and deeper wisdom.  And the proof it worked?  Well below is the link to the exact resource I had the hissy fit about – The 3 Biggest Spiritual Lessons that Narcissism Helps You Learn (and how they boost your business success mindset).  

The irony (and beauty) is that I had to use all three lessons myself to heal the root of this block (which was in the midst of my worst experience with narcissism!).  So I KNOW that they work!  Here’s the link to grab your copy:

See you next time! またね!

ジャッキー Jacqui