In my last blog post, I posted 8 signs you’re being manipulated and said that I would write a post on how to set stronger boundaries. Here are 8 ways to do that and suggestions on ways to help you do them.
- Trust, trust, trust your intuition and your heart over your head. Trust your gut feelings and knowing. They’re always right. I have a meditation to help you practice connecting with your heart here . The more you connect with your heart and soul, the more you can connect with your intuition and listen to your gut feelings.
- Get to know your own emotions so that you recognise which are yours and which belong to someone else. If you’re sensitive, you’ll pick up on other people’s emotions. Your emotions (particularly the ones from your heart and soul) have a very different feel from other people’s. Insecure people may put up a front of being confident and in control, but they project their own feelings of insecurity onto you to manipulate your feelings and hide their own insecurities. Foreign emotions in your body and energy can’t flow and you can never get to the true message they are trying to convey. Healthy anger alerts you to when someone is violating your boundary and is telling you to take action to protect yourself. (Anger in its healthy, flowing form is assertiveness. Unhealthy anger is uncomfortable and often uncontrollable.) Karla McLaren has fantastic explanations of each of the emotions and here is her fantastic explanation of anger.
- Notice when guilt arises and disengage from the conversation. Guilt is a social weapon of choice against, caring, sensitive, empathic types like you and me. You start feeling guilty because of their problems when there is very little you can do to solve anyone’s problems, let alone theirs. Sharing problems in a safe space with people who allow each other to be vulnerable safely is entirely different from one-sided sharing of problems that cuts off vulnerability and authenticity. The latter kind of problem sharing will inevitably make you feel guilty, never good enough and like you’re the cause of the person’s problem. Someone who shuns responsibility for their problems and instead blames others for them cannot be helped until they take ownership of their own problems. If you notice the guilt arising, politely remove yourself from the conversation. Do step 5 to make sure their energy is gone from your system.
- Beware of “poor me” games. Often you will notice guilt arising too but it’s useful to spot the onset of the “poor me” game before you notice guilt. In the Celestine Prophecy, we’re introduced to the idea of control dramas, which are ways of controlling other people to get energy flowing to us. The antidote, according to the book, is to have such a strong connection to source energy that you can bring the underlying control into the light of awareness and the drama stops. With a regular person, this may be the case, but with a particularly manipulative or controlling person like a narcissist, you’re not dealing with the same constitution and this just won’t work unless you are at Jesus/Buddha/enlightened master level of consciousness. The “Poor me” drama (and the other control drama patterns of aloof, intimidator and interrogator) is used simply to manipulate you into giving your time, attention and energy to their needs. They are taking advantage of your caring nature for their own ends and don’t care about you. That can sound harsh, but these are people who simply function differently from the other 99% or so of the population. Once you notice a “poor me” game in progress, keep your energy inside your energy boundary and politely withdraw from the conversation. Do step number 5 to make sure there’s no energy residue.
- Break the energetic connection between you. You can visualise removing their energy from your body and aura and turning it into an object or shape, and then image giving that object or shape to the guardian angel of the manipulator. There is no need for you to heal this energy yourself and it’s not your responsibility. Another way to break the energy is to visualise Archangel Michael being with you and asking him to use his sword to cut the energy. Then witness as he powerfully and safely brings his sword down to sever the energy cords.
- Value YOUR needs. Get in touch with what it is that you need and do whatever you need to to get your needs met. This makes your energy far stronger and more resilient to any challenges in life. If you’re not used to listening to your needs, go gently and practice tuning into what you need moment by moment. Maybe you need more fun, creative time, maybe you need better nutrition, maybe you need to journal to connect with your feelings. Only you can know what you truly need. <3
- Limit your time with manipulative people as much as you can. Some people cannot be changed and it’s best to withdraw and limit time around them. You can send them love from afar but unless you’re a spiritual master, you’re unlikely to be able to stay centred and balanced around them.
- Cleanse yourself with your preferred method of energy clearing. Examples of this are: salt baths, pure incense, crystals for energy clearing (such as clear quartz that you’ve programmed, citrine, amethyst or any crystal that you intuitively sense will help you), high frequency tuning forks such as those by Suara Sound, reiki or some other form of energy healing. Keep your vibration high and you’ll be more strongly connected to your true self. And who you truly are can never be manipulated by anyone <3
These are just 8 suggestions. If you have any more tips and suggestions, do add them in the comments below. The more resources we have to share on dealing with manipulation, the more we can limit its power over us. The patterns of fear, control and manipulation that keep us small are gradually dissolving away and the more we can set strong boundaries and walk away, the more these patterns can be left firmly in humanity’s past.
By the way, if the manipulative person is one of your parents, my healing from toxic parents programme is for you. It’s designed for those who had a toxic parent such as a narcissist and who are more spiritually minded. It will help you release yourself through deep forgiveness and give your inner child what s/he has always needed.
Details are here: Spiritual Healing From Toxic Parents Programme