Deep Journalling To Manage Stress

Below is a piece of deep journalling I did in the early days of the Coronavirus situation getting more serious in the UK. I’d watched too much news and a personal issue was dragging me down. Someone was being vindictive and thoughtless towards someone close to me (apologies for the vagueness of that but I can’t be any more specific for legal reasons). It all got too much and my sparkle had gone. So I took to my iPad and typed through everything I was experiencing. I’m sharing it as an example of how journalling can help process and digest stress and overwhelm. Ad also how it can be deeply healing too.

This piece released a lot of internal pressure and helped bring back my sparkle. My hypnotherapy clients will recognise it as being like the kind of session that I do for them. This is a different way into the same place in the mind. The main thing at the back of mind in every Piece of work I do is “How do I get this back to love?” You’ll see by the end of the writing, love starts making an appearance.

Pieces to Peace 6 Element Model of Wellbeing

So here is the piece I wrote and the healing journey I went on…

The background

Day 1, I was fine.  “This is what we’ve been preparing for!”  The collapse of the structures in place keeping us in an economic and social hamster wheel. Incidentally – someone made the good point that if an economy can’t survive mass resting and prioritising health, it didn’t have a good foundation anyway.  

Now we’re into the 3rd day of it being really serious in the UK and I thought I’d share with you how I write through the things I feel to heal and let go.  In my mind, I follow a map I have of the 6 elements. When I’m too much in air (logical thinking) with not enough emotion (water), connection to my physical body (earth) or connection to creative, spiritual thinking (fire), it usually depletes me.  But it’s a habit of a lifetime to end.  

Most people deal with emotion (water) by going into their logical mind (air) or by trying to bypass it completely by jumping to spiritual creativity (fire).  But that leaves your psyche out of balance and is terrible in relationships because it’s so easy to blame someone else for discomfort that you’re feeling.  

But by tuning into what’s happening in your body (earth) and letting it communicate, you can help the overworked air element to re-connect back with the other elements in far more balance.  In school, we all had to tune out of our bodies and emotions to conform to the environment. When we’re in a situation like this, conforming to the emotional norms around in the media and in some parts of social media is the last thing you want to get through!  

So by tuning into your body and writing through what you experience, you can unplug from all that outer noise and come back to your true nature – the most resilient, strongest, creative and amazing core of who you really are. 

I came into writing this with a whole bunch of tightness going on in my body.  I read too much, I watched too much and now my psyche is trying to process and file it all on top of emotion that’s coming up to help me adapt to what what I’m dealing with in right in front of me in this crazy global situation.  Just for clarity, I’m also dealing with a long running power struggle with a person who seems to be highly vindictive and also after hiding away my book Pieces to Peace, it’s time to share more of it and that feels very vulnerable.  I’m sure you’ve got your own unique situation going on, and my intention is that by going into what my body and emotions are saying about what I’m facing, it will help your mind to process whatever’s happening in your world right now too.  We can’t change the world out there, but we can change our own worlds and our experience of it so that we’re more effective in it. 

Tuning into the body

Opening up awareness to come out the tight and curled up feeling that’s in my body.  And just that alone – giving it more awareness and naming it helps my body relax a little more. 

My attention goes to my head and solar plexus region.  I’m starting to feel sadness, which is great because sadness is about letting go of what was.  The world as we know it has ended and we’re in the storm of that being destroyed and the void of the new world not coming into being.  In the betwixt time and the uncertainty and the air element- the logical mind doesn’t like that! It’s easier to fill the void by tightening up, choosing drama and stressing out and worrying about how to help. 

Exploring what “the other” is bringing up

Now my attention goes to the vindictive person.  Their intention to undermine and overpower has had some effect because intention will have an effect, it’s taken me off centre.  The lies that have been told and the truth that’s been distorted completely are infuriating. But staying angry and resentful at this person only gives them the power they’re seeking.  And with that, a layer of constriction in my body goes. 

Remembering that this person was a storm who came to shake things up and create a void of uncertainty.  But also help to access lost pieces of me and the loved one directly involved with the person. Yawns of energy release go through my body as my psyche begins to process and order all that’s happening.

The solar plexus is a lot less constricted now.  My attention is drawn back to my legs. They feel tight and constricted.  Exploring the symbolism (bringing in the spiritual creativity of the fire element to turn the tight legs into symbolism).  The symbolism of not moving forward and since legs are connected to the sacral chakra of sexuality and creativity, that has all been constricted too while my mind is in overwhelm and was crying out for space to process and file all this information.  My shoulders relax. 

As I remember that compassion is the value I work hard for.  Searching for the compassion and love for the vindictive person.  You don’t behave like that when you feel safe and truly love yourself.  So this person can’t be feeling safe and truly love themself. And there is a sadness in that and a softening.  In my mind’s eye, spiritual creativity and psychic healing visualisation comes into focus as I type. I see a wounded, crying inner child at the heart of that behaviour.  It’s easier to feel compassion for a wounded, crying inner child than for the poorly behaving adult. The behaviour is possibly a coping strategy to mask the pain inside. It’s so easy to create an enemy in your mind to project onto somebody else who can hold all of your darkness for you instead of having to look at it yourself and face the pain. 

Taking back the inner pieces

My body moves with the welcome release of information that’s been processed and digested.  There’s a growing space for peace. My heart breaks for that wounded child and at the same time, anger comes forward to say “that behaviour is NOT OK”.  These 2 parts of my mind are confused. They don’t know how to coexist. They’re trapped in “either/or” thinking – either you have compassion OR you have anger.  When “both/and” thinking would be better – you can have compassion AND you can be angry. And I’ve really uncovered something that is stuck here. A refusal to move into “both/and”.  Like there’s an old survival strategy going on – appease the beast, please the beast and give it what it wants for your survival.  

Now, that’s an interesting turn.  I’m saying there’s a “beast” but it only exists in my own mind.  It’s not really that person – such is projection! So I’m tuning into myself and I can see in my mind’s eye an angry beast and a terrified child.  This may be a pattern mirrored in this other person, but I’ve found it in myself and that’s where my power lies. I can deal with this beast and petrified child in my own mind.  And that will be reflected in outer reality soon enough. 

This beast character is like an angry bull.  It reminds me of the animation “The Book of Life” and I can hear the song from the animation playing in my mind “if you can forgive, if you can forgive, love can truly live.” Tears come as I type.  My subconscious has borrowed that scene from the animation to deal with this beast part. Its aggression is easing. The terrified child part is beginning to relax and feel safer. My suspicion is that interactions with my dad when I was little created these 2 parts of my mind.  The child is tenderly leaning on the beast. The beast is in so much pain. Let’s see what healing we can give to the beast. My creative mind has put in Metratron’s cube. It’s a 3D shining light version filled with the essence of earth, air, fire and water plus storm and void (see the picture above). It gently spins and goes through the beast part, bringing it back to love.  I pause my writing to close my eyes and let the beast part of my mind be fully healed by the healing light cube, remembering the whole point is to return to love.  

Now the child needs the healing light of Metatron’s cube too.  I pause my writing and see it happening in my mind’s eye while I feel it in my body.  As that finishes up, the dark energy of ill-intent leaves my energy system and subconscious.  It’s no longer a match to the beast and terrified child dynamic inside.  

So the question is, can I forgive?  First I need to reset my energy boundary.  Sensing connection to the earth beneath and how it supports and sustains my physical body, sensing a connection to air and letting it flow freely as it makes sense of this world, seeing the fire element light up my energy boundary and transmute anything no longer needed, seeing the water element fully in flow – the literal water in my body and virtual water of freely flowing emotional wisdom.  The wisdom of anger in monitoring my surroundings, the wisdom of shame in monitoring what I choose to do. 

Love begins to return

Oh and there’s the old shame.  The beast had been me when I started to learn about the healing power of writing.  I was the beast sending emails of ill-intent to somebody who’d hurt and rejected me while I felt everything crumble around me.  The beast in me retaliating for the perceived humiliation. So I struggle to forgive the beast-wounded child because I have to check in with what I’ve done in the past.  Feeling the karmic biteback of receiving what I’d sent out from those shadowy parts of my mind. So I’d learn to choose love and compassion. And I’d learn to love and accept those parts and pieces of my mind that have hurt people in the past by choosing self defence and attack over love.  

Forgiveness is really about returning to unconditional love.  In the space of the unconditional love of source, me and my parts and our behaviour is already forgiven, it’s about my mind catching up with the love and letting it in.  Seeing myself through the eyes of love instead of the eyes of judgment.  

And I see myself through the eyes of love, I see the opportunity in the mistakes and failures to get it right later.  Never judged by creator, simply given the patience to eventually learn to undo all that blocks the experience of love here now.  Regardless of what’s happening in the world around. Now I see 2 of metatron’s cubes spinning around my eyes, clearing the way I see and perceive.  

If you’d like to learn more…

And so ends the piece of journalling. If you’d like to learn more about using the 6 element model of wellbeing for yourself, I’m running an online workshop on March 30th. It’ll be live and a chance to connect with other people while we’ll physically distant.

I’ve added different coupon codes to suit differing financial situations at this time. All the details are on th link below:

Stay well, stay home and stay connected 💖

Boundaries and The Rescuer

If there’s one thing about healers and coaches that drives me nuts, I have to admit that it’s something I do myself.  Such is the shadow – we hate in others what we ourselves do. And what is it that I hate? Rescuing behaviour. Specifically when it’s the rescuer from the drama triangle.  What it means in terms of boundaries is that with the best of intentions to help someone, you trample over their boundaries. In other words, I’m not proud of the fact that I’ve trampled over others’ boundaries being a rescuer.  It also means I haven’t been true to my natural self. But spotting the hatred is a powerful first step to deeper healing and creating healthier boundaries.

A Quick Tour of the Drama Triangle

The drama triangle is a model of 3 roles that we can all end up playing in relationships with people around us and that we can even end up projecting onto life and the world too.  

The Rescuer – believes they’re good and helping

The Persecutor – believes they’re right and insists on rightness of their view

The Victim – believes they’re blameless and powerless and stuff keeps happening to them

Karpman’s Drama Triangle

All of us can spin through each of the roles and be a victim, rescuer and persecutor at different times in different situations.  The important thing is that when the drama triangle is active, there’s a power imbalance going on. When you seem to have no power, you’re playing the victim and when you seem to have power, you’re playing either the rescuer or persecutor.  For the ego, seeming to have power is a good place to be but really you want to get to a place beyond the power dynamics to where the heart and soul can show us we’re equals. 

For healers, it’s so important to be aware of the rescuer so that we’re not unconsciously forcing others to play the victim and keeping them stuck in their problems or attracting people who don’t really have any interest in taking back their power and really healing.  It’s important to check in and become aware when we’re forcing our own world view onto someone so it makes it too loud for them to tune into their own soul wisdom and guidance.  

The best healing happens when we have space to hear the soul and to connect with our own inner power.  And as Wayne Dyer taught, the soul’s theme song is “Don’t fence me in”. The soul craves the space to be free and expansive and to guide your daily actions through its subtle and quiet intuition.  The drama triangle creates too much noise to hear the soul.  

Underneath the Rescuer

While the rescuer seems nice and caring, it’s actually masking some inner problems and wounds.  You’re more interested in fixing the outside world of other people because it’s a distraction from the stuff inside that you don’t want to deal with yet, or simply aren’t ready to deal with yet.  And that’s where self-compassion comes in. I’m writing that as a reminder to myself too to remember that when I was more of a rescuer-healer, there was a gaping wound inside that I wasn’t yet ready to face.  I didn’t have the right tools, perspective, insights and support in place to be ready to go there.  

I also had a pattern of working with rescuer coaches (or sometime persecutor coaches!) who had their own fixed ideas about success and how to achieve it, so they didn’t listen much to what I needed or what my soul was saying.  Their noise and seeming confidence in the rightness of their methods drowned out my own intuition and soul wisdom. It was when I worked with a non-rescuer healer that I could actually heal the gaping wound inside.  I had the space for my soul to join with me and do the deep and difficult healing little by little. 

Beside the Rescuer

For me, I had this inner struggle going on around the rescuer because I knew that I wanted to move away from the rescuer dynamic and honour the self-healing abilities of my clients’ own souls.   But while I was still working with rescuers myself, the drama triangle dynamic was still going on in my subconscious mind. And that’s the tricky thing about the subconscious – we usually can’t directly see what its doing, we can only see the effects of what’s going on in it through problems we’re having.  My working with coaches and healers unconsciously stuck in the drama triangle was a direct reflection of my own unconscious stuckness in the drama triangle. And wherever the rescuer is, the other 2 roles are close by. I was being a victim and powerless because my power was locked inside a deep wound in my psyche that needed healing.   

Compassion for the rescuer part

My hatred for the rescuer role is a hatred for a piece of myself.  That hatred shows where I’m blocking love because any part of me that is rejected and hated is my shadow.  And if I hate it, I can’t connect with it and work with it. On top of that, it acts as a relationship block because what I’m judging in myself, I’m judging in others too and vice versa.  And that’s never comfortable to be around!

So my own task is to connect with the rescuer and take the bits of her that I do like and modify the bits I don’t.  Instead of completely disowning the rescuer, I can recognise the good intentions in being helpful. I can enhance that helpfulness by remembering to check in with my clients and people close to me and see if what I’m offering is really what they need.  Genuinely giving them the choice of whether to accept my help or not is a way to honour boundaries and honour the uniqueness of each life on earth.  

The Boundaries Checklist

If you like what you’ve read here, you might like to join my community. There’s a free boundaries checklist for you to check in with the kind of boundaries that support you in being who you naturally are. You’ll also receive my newsletter with emails to make you think and reflect as well as catch up on the latest news.

CLICK HERE to sign up and download your boundaries checklist.